


i felt you in my life, before i ever thought to

by quin12



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 12:48:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1186379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quin12/pseuds/quin12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis seems to think valentine's day doesn't relate to whatever him and nick are doing, but he also really doesn't want nick to be with anyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i felt you in my life, before i ever thought to

louis groans as his room is so rudely bathed in light, and there’s a mysterious thump on the bedside table. he rolls over and slits his eyes open to find harry standing at the side of his bed, glaring. 

“what are you looking at? your face is gonna be stuck that way if you keep staring like that”

harry just continues glaring until he feels he’s getting his point across and then says “it’s valentine’s day. grimmy was just on the radio complaining about how he doesn’t have a valentine.”

louis is starting to wake up enough to notice a cup of tea next to the bed, and gratefully reaches out to get it. harry’s words slowly make their way through his head and he’s still confused. “yeah and? what do i have to do with nick?”

at that, harry’s eyes widen and he visibly restrains himself from shouting, “what do you have to do with him? you mean other than the fact that you’ve been shagging consistently for the last four months?” 

louis doesn’t have time for this at 9:30 in the morning. so instead of replying to harry and giving him the satisfaction of even acknowledging that he knows nick, louis just lays back down and pulls the covers over his head. harry thankfully leaves, but not without slamming the door shut behind him.

it’s a couple hours later that louis wakes back up, and by then his mouth feels sticky from the few sips of tea he had before he slept again, and his phone has about twenty increasingly aggressive texts from harry.

valentine’s day. right. the day he’d been avoiding for the past couple of weeks. louis likes valentine’s day. he loves it when he’s with someone, and he enjoys seeing other couples in love when he’s not with anyone at all. but this is the first time he’s been in some sort of shagging limbo with a person and he isn’t sure what the protocol here is. 

sure, he’ll stay for breakfast after a night with nick, sometimes they can go an entire hour without bickering. in fact, last week, he allowed himself a nice snuggle after he’d come twice. it’s just that him and nick aren’t- they aren’t valentine worthy. he hadn’t made plans with him at all for the entire weekend, mostly because he figured nick would be busy doing dumb things with all those people he is always hanging out with. he refuses to learn any of their names because it’s not like he’s worth anything to nick to remember them. 

but when louis begins to think about nick seeing someone else tonight, getting a dumb heart shaped box of chocolates from someone that isn’t him he feels something vaguely empty somewhere under his ribs. which he immediately gets up to remedy by heading to the kitchen to fix himself another cup of tea. he’s fixed much worse with tea before.  
\---

the first time louis even thought about hooking up with nick, he could barely stand up right. it was some weird themed party harry had dragged him to, so he did the first thing he did when he felt uncomfortable: get pleasantly smashed. 

it was nearing the end of the night when louis decided he’d best disconnect himself from the loud atmosphere and gather his wits enough to go looking for harry and a way to get home. on the way to a doorway that looked promising in his endeavor for a quieter area, louis was run over by a loud and stumbling nick. his eyes were glassy, and his cheeks matched his lips in how pink they were. 

of course louis objectively knew nick was not bad looking. but seeing him drunk and happy and so flushed made louis realize how hot nick really was. ok or maybe he was just really drunk. 

“louis! ‘aven’t seen you in ages! i didn’t know you were coming, our little popstar failed to mention it.” 

with the mention of nick’s pet name for harry, louis grew irritated. everyone knew nick couldn’t get enough of harry. no matter how many times harry tried to tell everyone it was only platonic, and no matter how much nick restrained himself, his crush was always so obvious. the way he sparked up when harry was even mentioned in passing was sickening. like just now, the inclusion of harry into a comment that didn’t warrant it at all. 

“yes well i wouldn’t imagine you’d be all that eager to remember harry saying something that didn’t include his desire to put his dick in your mouth,” louis snapped.

and that was probably the wrong thing to say, because immediately nick’s face closed down and darkened up. “well if you were as observant as you think you are, then you’d realize that harry has been snogging every bird at the party tonight and i have been nothing but encouraging.”

“yeah and i bet the nation will hear all about his celebrity escapades bright and early monday morning.” even though louis knew nick never shared details like that on the radio, he was drunk and angry and mad at nick for being so suddenly attractive. 

instead of waiting for nick’s response, he leaned up and kissed him instead. which, well, probably wasn’t the best idea. but hey not ten minutes ago he was loudly arguing with another guy about the merits of playing football naked. good life decisions were not happening. 

nick responded by grabbing hold of louis’ hips and deepening the kiss, which prompted a squeak out of louis. a very manly squeak. nick tasted vaguely of hazelnuts and alcohol, which wasn’t altogether unpleasant. in fact, louis licked into his mouth trying to taste him better. kissing nick was unexpectedly the best thing that happened to him all night, and he had gotten hit on by a drunk kate moss. 

“if i knew it was this fun and easy to shut you up i’d have done it ages ago,” nick murmured, slightly separating their slick mouths. “want to take this somewhere a bit more private?”

although louis wanted to be contrary based on the fact that it was nick, he wanted to kiss him privately even more. so he just stared straight back at him and nodded, signaling for him to lead the way. all the way to a laundry room.

“is this the best you can do? you sure know how to treat a guy nick” louis was unimpressed and slightly disappointed. no fucking was going to happen in this space, no matter how much either of them wanted it.

“do you want me to blow you or do you want to comment on the interior decorating?” snapped nick, and ok the blowjob sounded much more appealing than dwelling on the fact that this was just another cheap hook up for nick. of course not that it was anything else for louis. he could do casual. apart from the fact that the only people he’d ever been involved with ended up being in a serious relationship with him. totally casual and not attached was definitely louis’ thing, or it totally _could_ be his thing. thankfully his drunken freak out was vanished by nick’s hands trying to get into his pants. 

after they emerged, the party had visibly thinned out. louis could see harry cleaning up the kitchen and laughing with some of those dreadful hipsters that seem to always be around. getting the best blowjob in months from some radio dj who he also couldn’t stand to listen to was a bit of a curveball for louis. he felt uneasy about what to do. mostly he just wanted to pretend nick didn’t exist and keep the memory for later wanking use. 

fortunately nick _did_ know what to do, and casually said over his shoulder as he walked toward the kitchen to clean up “maybe next time we can find ourselves a proper bedroom.” and he was gone, in the kitchen joining in on the conversation like he hadn’t just had a blowjob exchange with ⅕ of the biggest boyband on the planet. louis was probably still drunk. and hey that meant there was going to be a next time. which was surprisingly exciting.

turns out there were many next times. so many next times that harry caught on, despite his happiness to stay oblivious to things that didn’t require his knowledge. every time louis would come back late with a flush to his cheeks harry would just stare knowingly but keep mercifully silent. he’d bring louis to events then mysteriously disappear, leaving nick and louis to count down how long they could go without attaching to each other’s mouths. the less time the spent talking, the better it was for everyone. sometimes louis did like to rile nick up a bit beforehand, just go get his roughness during a shag.

and louis did eventually get the bedroom he’d wanted their first time. he got nick’s bedroom a lot. he preferred it to shagging at his place because harry was usually not too far off. plus nick had a nice big bed and a dog and an actual home. louis was traveling too much lately to do anything to his new place, so it pretty much just looked like it had when he’d bought it, interior decorating and all. louis may or may not like nick outside of his fucking abilities. the snippets of conversation they had were either full of bickering or secretly very pleasing to louis. turns out nick was not slimy and creepy, but actually charming and insightful. not that louis would ever say that out loud. 

so yes, louis has a toothbrush at nick’s place. and a couple of pair of jogging bottoms. and lately their shagging has stopped being so rough but no less satisfying. but that did not mean louis was going to buy flowers and take nick out to dinner. no way in hell was that happening. except that sounds kind of nice.

louis has no plans for today. he is probably going to call his mum and the girls, find a nice bottle of wine stashed away somewhere, and watch a bit of telly. and that sounds suspiciously like what him and nick did last week. maybe if he calls nick and asks to come over they can pretend it isn’t valentine’s day. 

louis takes a picture of his cuppa and sends it to nick with the caption _waking up late on a weekday is always so nice_ and it’s the most acknowledgement he can send nick without bringing up whatever they are on valentine’s day. when he doesn’t get an immediate response he goes to shower to distract himself. a message is waiting for him when he gets out, a picture of heart shaped pancakes and champagne _well i am having a champagne brunch so haha i win xx_ and louis is a little jealous. because he would’ve loved a champagne brunch with heart shaped pancakes. nick knows louis has a weak spot for any food vaguely breakfast like. and he is eating a valentine’s day brunch without him. which, ok they aren’t even dating so that shouldn’t be an issue. 

picking up his phone again, louis calls harry. when he picks up, he can hear the noise of clinking glasses and lots of murmuring people and immediately knows where he is. “harold did you go out to brunch without telling me?”

“hey lou, yeah grimmy decided to call us all together to do something since he knew we’d all be impossible to get ahold of tonight. you were sleeping so i didn’t come say bye.”

“oh ok…. well do you know what time you’ll be back?”

“sorry i think i’ll be out until late tonight. daisy and cara wanted me to go out to camden with them this afternoon and i’m seeing someone later on tonight. did you need something?”

of course harry still sounds concerned as he’s sitting at a table pleasantly tipsy while planning an afternoon sandwiched between two gorgeous supermodels. “no nevermind, i just needed someone to pop out and get some milk but i guess that burden is left to me. talk to you later, have a nice day.”

“bye lou!” and whispering now as if the entire table isn’t engrossed in their own self important conversations, “grimmy is still a bit down, i think the brunch thing was a way to make this day not a total loss. maybe you can talk to him later. gotta go, bye.”

and just like that harry cut out and louis was left to examine his feelings. fuck. nick was awful and not his boyfriend and he did not need to see him today. it’s just another friday. just another day. nick probably just played a normal nickstape. the world is spinning just like it did yesterday. maybe louis needs to break out that wine now. 

it takes considerable effort to not drown himself in the wine, but he stops after one glass and decides to do something that isn’t thinking about nick. he finds some top gear reruns on his skybox but after a while that gets dreadful and sad, so he gears up to go out and play a bit of football. there’s a pitch not too far from his house that is always thankfully deserted and he hasn’t been recognized once in the many times he’s visited. 

once he gets there it’s the ultimate therapy. when he runs up and down doing drills and getting his body moving, it’s easier for louis to ignore everything besides the pumping of his heart and the coordination of his feet. playing alone is always a little boring to him, but right now it’s just what he needs. the field is slightly muddy from a previous shower yesterday, so by the time the sun is low in the sky, he’s dirty and pleasantly tired. for a short blissful time, nothing else is important except getting all his energy out. all of that good feeling rushes away when he picks up his phone and there’s another picture from nick. this time, he’s taken a picture of puppy out on a walk, next to another dog. _looks like puppy found a valentine_

well if louis is going to reply, he might as well hate himself as much as possible. so he writes back _know of any good parties tonight? all my friends are arseholes in relationships._ great. totally smooth, very aloof, doesn’t make him seem like a desperate loser. the last thing he wants in the world is for fucking nick grimshaw to see through him. he totally did not sound annoying. after gathering all his footie stuff and packing up, nick replies _no parties for me, just puppy and nigella. you’re welcome to pop in if nothing better comes along_. and louis can work with that. casual, easy, whatever. _might do thanks xx_. then he heads home to shower up.

an hour later and louis can't figure out if he should eat or not. nick has fed him in the past, always ordering in or finding a lost can in the cupboard. but it’s valentine’s day, so would it be weird? would there be some expectation? stan’s face from high school comes into his mind, asking if he wants a bottle and a nap as well because he’s acting like a baby. it was that exact line that got him to audition for x factor. stan hasn’t ever failed him, real or not real. 

so instead of worrying about food, louis gets into his tightest black jeans, rolls them up, and stretches out the collar on his red scoopneck tee, just enough to get the majority of his chest tattoo to show. it’s only nick, who got in a bath of mealworms last year for charity, who is so unbearably pretentious that he has two record players. who is sitting on his couch on valentine’s day with his dog. before louis can freak himself out about how adorable that is, he locks up and leaves.

when nick opens up the door, he takes one look at louis and lifts one eyebrow saying, “festive” and nods at the red shirt. 

“well you know me, gotta celebrate every holiday.”

“come on in, it’s bloody freezing out there.” nick leaves him at the door to walk further into his home. he throws casually over his shoulder “hope you’re hungry because i got way too much pad thai.” which is how louis finds himself sitting next to nick with puppy sandwiched between them eyeing his food imploringly. they haven’t said much since they dug into the food, but the silence seems heavy, as if there’s something big going unsaid. which, yeah the whole shagging buddy limbo thing on valentine’s day is pretty big.

nick breaks the silence first thankfully, “so did you have a good day?”

“yeah yeah played footie, talked to harry, the usual. mostly glad for the break. world tours are exhausting you know. or well, i guess you wouldn’t.” and louis snark falls flat, somehow lost in the soft way he says it. because tonight his heart isn’t into it. tonight it’s the most romantic time of the year and he can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be. god if louis wasn’t so screwed up in the head, they’d be snogging each other’s faces by now. puppy definitely wouldn’t even be on the couch anymore. 

nick doesn’t even miss a beat, replying as if it’s second nature already “yeah it’s just little ol’ me. hosting britain’s most coveted radio show, while also filming two panel shows and becoming a fashion ambassador for GQ on the side. guess i just don’t have the time to squeeze in a world tour.”

he says it so offhandedly; and he isn’t bragging, not really. louis has learned that he’s just mostly trying to stand up for himself. nick lives in a world where his best friends are fashion designers and pop stars, and pr wonder women. which just makes louis admire him more, he can keep up with the londo elite and still be in bed by 11 watching the telly or something equally as normal. 

without louis’ consent he blurts “is this a thing? is this a valentine thing? are we a thing?” and oh, that is definitely not what he was supposed to say at all tonight. 

nick just looks amused and definitely not put off by louis’ awful choice of words “well it is valentine’s day, and you’re sat on my couch. you tell me.” louis doesn’t know how to respond to that so instead he just stuffs more noodles in his mouth and focuses on the program they’re half watching. so softly, not even puppy’s ears prick up, nick murmurs “i wouldn’t mind.”

when louis turns to look at him, nick is stirring the leftover vegetables around and pretending he doesn’t notice louis. but then he does look up and there’s a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. as if he’s waiting for louis to yell out that it’s all a prank and he wants to be ready, he wants to look as if he was expecting it all along. louis thinks about how screwed up they both are that they’re at each other’s throats half the time, and the other half of the time they avoid being honest by shagging and ignoring everything else. 

fuck, he just needs to say it and get it over with. “let’s make this a thing, hey? you and i are always bickering, we’re practically dating already. so yeah we should…you know…” and he tapers off at the end, playing with a string coming from the couch because it’s easier to pretend his face isn’t heating up from an actual expression of _emotion_ about nick grimshaw. at this point puppy seems to have tired of this awful and awkward conversation, and she jumps down without a backward thought. sometimes louis honestly wishes life was as easy for him as it was for puppies.

“ok”

louis’ head snaps up and nick’s already focused on the telly again. it’s the ending of nigella and she’s got almost all her cooking done. “ok? that’s it? you have nothing else to add? i basically tell you-”

“hey lets not have our first real fight before we even get in our first real shag. i don’t think we want to set up a relationship where we couldn’t stop bickering long enough for me to fuck you.”

which gets louis to change the direction of his thoughts immediately. and oh, that’s definitely why he likes nick. he can always hate him again tomorrow, but tonight he’ll enjoy the last of his valentine’s day. 

later the next morning louis finds chocolate and a cashmere bear stashed under nick’s sink, with a card marked ‘louis’ on the front. each year after that on their anniversary, louis gleefully tells anyone who will listen that nick was so gone for him that he had bought sappy valentine's day gifts. even harry is smart enough not to mention that louis was just as smitten.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't really write fic, but i just wanted more tomlinshaw. hopefully no one cares that valentines day is over or that i literally have no idea what i am doing when it comes to writing. i'm not british and it's only very lightly edited.


End file.
